Kinda makes you wonder...
If they would keep simple things a secret what else would they keep from you.
Is omission the same as lying?
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Things not said...
There are those things that I don't want him to know. Not that I'm afraid to tell him, but because I'm afraid of what he might think of me. Of course I would think that I know him well enough to say he wouldn't leave me for my past. It's just that that person that I was... The things that they made me do. The things I allowed to them to do. How could he see me the same again after it all? Wouldn't he just be consumed by the anger of what these people did. ..But I'm stronger than I was before. Those things of the past no longer have a place in my new life. He has shown me that I don't have to suffer to feel like I'm loved. The greatest thing about him is that he takes me for who I am. Yes I might be damaged but I'm rebuilding myself and I'm even better than I was before.
I know that I will have to tell him all of these things eventually. I can't keep it from him forever, because I need him to know that he saved me too. Who knows where I would have been if it wasn't for him. I was heading down this path that could only have led me too more pain, more disappointments in myself. Sometimes I wish that I could completely forget about it all. All of those things that started all those years ago, that caused me to fall deeper down the rabbit hole. So I'm on the road to recovery now and I'm happier than ever...If I had to go through all of this again to be with him I would.
Your contemplating blogger
I know that I will have to tell him all of these things eventually. I can't keep it from him forever, because I need him to know that he saved me too. Who knows where I would have been if it wasn't for him. I was heading down this path that could only have led me too more pain, more disappointments in myself. Sometimes I wish that I could completely forget about it all. All of those things that started all those years ago, that caused me to fall deeper down the rabbit hole. So I'm on the road to recovery now and I'm happier than ever...If I had to go through all of this again to be with him I would.
Your contemplating blogger
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Bestfriend/Boyfriend
Imagine your best friend. The person who you trust the most. The one you can confide in even when you are hurting so much you don't really want to talk about it. For me it's my boyfriend. I never really thought that I would meet someone that was so compassionate and loving. We were friends long before starting a relationship, and that allows us a closeness that I used to only be able to dream about. Even in those times that I feel like giving up on everything myself, he holds me up. He encourages me and inspires me to keep going. I never experienced the kind of love that he offers me everyday. Even though we both don't have much right now, in his arms I feel like I have a fortune. I feel like I didn't understand the true meaning of love until I found him. The fact that he is my best friend makes everything that much sweeter. I can be silly or blunt, but the point is that I can be whatever I want. Not only that, but he allows me to do so. He never thinks I'm foolish, he never criticizes me. For that I give him my world, because I can't offer him anyone elses.
Love doesn't have to equal pain.
Love doesn't have to equal pain.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
after work
OK. After four hours of work (straightening shoes) I am ready to write. Retail jobs leave much to be desired. My mind runs far to fast and I can become bored fairly easy. You would think that after such utter boredom I'd be glad to have something to do. You would be wrong. I'm very content to just sit there and do nothing, because when I get bored I become lazy. All 115 pounds of me feels heavy and tired from the effort. All I really want to do is go home and say take your $7.55 an hour and shove it, but I need the money so I deal with it. Plus it's better than fast food.
Help!!!
I will go insane if I go back to my old blog one more time. Everytime I go there I feel myself about to tumble over the edge. I can feel a full blown rant comming along about blogging integrity. Oh it's comming people i've already written notes about it.
Monday, August 11, 2008
The boyfriend
He gets me. I think that is the simplest way that I could describe it. I sit here struggling with over dramatic phrases to describe why we work so well and the best answer is simply that he gets me. He understands me on a level that
surpasses all the others before him. In fact with him there is no comparison. I never find myself looking back saying well this person did it that way… In truth it no longer matters to me how those before him chose to go about being in a relationship. They didn’t work and that seems to be the only relevant thing. Never has another human being made me feel so comfortable in my own skin. I can be silly or serious, creative or dull, and he embraces every facet. I love that. He is my best friend. If I were truly a believer in the concept of Soul Mates, I would even go so far as to say that he is mine. So far there seems to be no downside, but where in other relationships I might be waiting for the other shoe to drop, with him I am simply content. Every time I worry that the relationships of my past have hardened me, he does something that makes me soften. We both have a common goal, to make the other happy. Since we are both quite selfless this becomes difficult at times. ( Imagine me wanting to do what made him happy, and him wanting to do what made me happy, except doing what makes him happy also makes me happy, and doing what makes me happy also makes him happy…. It can be exhausting.) But I’d never complain. We compromise and life goes on.
The future is an exciting prospect. We find ourselves planning far ahead, and often we have to slow ourselves down. Bring each other back to reality for a second so we can focus on the present, only to find ourselves talking about the future again.
Currently we are in a temporary long distance state, as I have gone home for the better part of the summer. This has truly been a test of our relationship, but where before I might have took my frustrations out on my partner in unwarranted arguments, I now feel refreshed with every call I make to him. True nothing can take the place of being where he is, but we are trying , something that has always been one sided for me. Not only are the both of us putting in effort, but we are both succeeding. And so I am here, happy and confident in all that we are.
Love
Your lengthy blogger
XOXO
surpasses all the others before him. In fact with him there is no comparison. I never find myself looking back saying well this person did it that way… In truth it no longer matters to me how those before him chose to go about being in a relationship. They didn’t work and that seems to be the only relevant thing. Never has another human being made me feel so comfortable in my own skin. I can be silly or serious, creative or dull, and he embraces every facet. I love that. He is my best friend. If I were truly a believer in the concept of Soul Mates, I would even go so far as to say that he is mine. So far there seems to be no downside, but where in other relationships I might be waiting for the other shoe to drop, with him I am simply content. Every time I worry that the relationships of my past have hardened me, he does something that makes me soften. We both have a common goal, to make the other happy. Since we are both quite selfless this becomes difficult at times. ( Imagine me wanting to do what made him happy, and him wanting to do what made me happy, except doing what makes him happy also makes me happy, and doing what makes me happy also makes him happy…. It can be exhausting.) But I’d never complain. We compromise and life goes on.
The future is an exciting prospect. We find ourselves planning far ahead, and often we have to slow ourselves down. Bring each other back to reality for a second so we can focus on the present, only to find ourselves talking about the future again.
Currently we are in a temporary long distance state, as I have gone home for the better part of the summer. This has truly been a test of our relationship, but where before I might have took my frustrations out on my partner in unwarranted arguments, I now feel refreshed with every call I make to him. True nothing can take the place of being where he is, but we are trying , something that has always been one sided for me. Not only are the both of us putting in effort, but we are both succeeding. And so I am here, happy and confident in all that we are.
Love
Your lengthy blogger
XOXO
The Lollipop
I know full well that I should not be eating this lollipop this late at night. It's still in it's wrapper I can turn back if I want. I sits there taunting me. Cherry flavored of course. Why did I even buy this thing? Because it cost 25cents and I was being cute. To add insult to injury I misplaced it in my cavernous purse and had to ask my boyfriend to buy me another, only to find the original nestled somewhere near my cell phone. Darn you lollipop and you identical little friend. I'm look at it and it's staring back. And it's saying "don't look at me, I don't talk to crazy people. I'm a freakin lollipop after all." I jump back astonished by such a display. Who's the sucker now? That's it i'm having this lollipop. Lil wayne would be proud.
Scary thought: If i'm fed after 10:00pm do I turn into a glimlin?
My blood sugar must be low because i'm hallucinating. Maybe i'll turn into Don Cheadle instead. Hell yes!!!Side note: I wonder how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Charms Blowpop™? I'd ask the owl but he's always eating my tootsie pops™ and who knows where that tongue has been. Who licks lollipops anyway? I suck on mine than you very much. Somehow that sounded dirty. (mud) I will look back on this entry and wonder where the hell my brain was at the time of it's conception.
Your candy eating blogger
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